The COWARD

The attitude of never be afraid and daring was once possess by me??ever??
i guess the answer was a fine NO.
I knew the need of self-confidence, self-esteem , and believing in yourself will be a must to be successful. BUT i never have one of those, because i have always been a coward and being afraid to lose, to afraid of failure, being afraid to embarrass myself, too afraid, too afraid too afraid of everything just like an ostrich...which hide itself in the ground as if no one will see it so that it wont have to confront the strange n awkward situation. In which this always have ended to brought me to the great failure. This is because the little mini minor challenge had been given up by me from the very beginning even before the starting point... And of course challenges was always an opportunity to grow so that it enable us to be successful. I understand the values but i never practice it, i am just being afraid of pain.

Even though some times i do get the chance to perform or speak for group, i never did a great job NEVER EVER.. i am sorry to all my members which i always have been 扯 you all punya 后 腿 i have never be a good member, i felt really guilty & sorry about that really especially my act and atitude, i even pointed to others to do my job as the job had already assign to me. i hate myself being nervous at the front even they are all my classmate and it has already been so many times.. i hate it i hate it. Why will i always act so silly and stupid in front to make fun of myself???..then i am back to my place and being disappointed of what i have done...How many time is this going to repeat? i already 18 a great adult... am i still gonna perform like this for another 100 years still giving herself an excuse being nervous and lack of confidence?? OMG that is ridiculous and very funny if these continue i really dunno how am i going to face the future's challenges and the world.. is that why that i am not i am not qualified to be a tool of god as i am useless and weak.. i will never be as great like our mother Marry,the disciples of Jesus, St Paul, saints , mother Teresa , Michael Jackson, and of course those who work hard for god..ys and even my sis to be so brave and daring... only me who cannot do it only me....still acting like a cry baby who being scared as mommy was missing.( a pampered child)
Pls help me!!! i wanna get our of this PLS PLS PLS