Once there is a white lily. She is charming adorable and happy. However she is always afraid of the dark and the outside world. She thinks she never could survive in the outside world by its own cause it is too dangerous. She always meet sun on the day, Sun was the best friend of lily. Sun tells lily otherwise, the outside world may be dangerous but it is also adventurous and joyful, Only if lily was willing step out to the outside then she will be able to grow into a beautiful and colorful lily.
But poor lily was too afraid that Sun will abandon her to take the journey by himself because she was reluctant to move.too afraid to, she can bare with it.
And so, lily made a selfish decision that was to abandon her very best friend before her friend did so. she let lone herself to live in darkness that she was always afraid of and do not come out on the day. She had gave up sun, without sunlight by lacking of the nourishment of the sun lily is getting sick, her heart was shut . She was sad and lonely. everyday tears had wash her face.
Sun was so worried about lily but he cant do anything but to try to shine into the dark. try to nourish lily as much as possible. hoping day by day lily will return so that they could be friends go round and round the world. Sun will never give up lily no matter what.
It take sometime for lily to realize that, but she is not to late. That morning after N days lily walk out from the dark and see sun again . Sun did not walk away and left her alone. he had been waiting all this while. lily has been never as fresh as before.
happily ever after. <3

what am i doing?? i m blind i cant see the way pls lead me!! i m soso lost, god lord jesus pls dont give up on the missing sheep. i need u. i feel so helpless, my studies my future my goal..everything.

hmm i am not that angry now for all my memory in my hard disk being delated by my brother. i think the reason is all the memory will not lost in my heart my mind n soul.. all cant be forgotten unless until my death

原来不是他们不适合我，而是我是我不适合他们

小女孩要长大

我想小女孩需要碰碰钉子才能长大．　
要不只是住在自己幻想的乐园里是无法知道这天有多高，海有多深．．．
也无法知道真理，事实及世界的残酷．　小女孩想要知道世界的痛和泪．
小女孩不想白吃白喝住在宫殿里像公主一样等人侍候．
小女孩不想被当井底之蛙，她想用自己双手脚去体验人的人情世故．

她知道她会碰钉子撞墙子．．．她会努力不让自己受伤，正因为她长大了！

a terrible disease got a fine cure

this thing had haunt me for weeks, and giving me sleepless night.

finally no insonmia again i sleep from 11 to 10.^^

hope i m not addicted to the drugs whahah

Lord i do belive , help my unbelieve.
主我信，请补助我的无信．

meaning of love

love is forgiveness

forgiveness is love

love is an action
~~~ the willingness to forgive is love

the Answer

the answer then i seek for years, he enlighten me. There is no coincident.
He shines forever. and i love him!

放下完美，人生更美．

我们每个人都在追求不同的欲望达至心目中的完美人生，有人不停购物，证明自己存在的价值；有人梦寐以求登极乐世界，　在追梦的过程中，也宛如掀开了潘多拉的盒子，　人性的贪婪，　自私倾巢而出，　到底我们完美了人生？　还是人生完美了我们？

by 吴嘉雯　星洲

我觉得这篇文章很有意识有很多值得反省的地方．往往我们在日常生活中我们几乎忘了什么是满足，知足常乐，退一步海阔天空也根本不存在我们的字典内．执着变成了固执，果断变成残忍，有心变成私心，家人变成了陌生以达成我们的完美? 我们是如何衡量我们心目中的完美呢？到底完美如何把我们的眼都遮蔽了呢？我们又用多少的美满去换取完美？
我们实在错过太多了．

the Reminder that i wish i wont forget!

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Love Potion

Sometimes love were so normal,just like breathing in the air,
it was so usual that sometimes it was hard to felt it presents.


Some we thought that relationships does not need to make effort to maintain it.
It was as natural as drinking water, we never thought we will lose it someday!

All were so natural, so usual that as if we take it for granted?

Prayer when Ones is down

I know, lord, that you believe in me

Dear lord,

There are decisions

That must be made

And obligations that must be fulfilled.

There are deadlines to be met

And duties to be performed.

But I know, Lord,

That you will lead me to the right path.

I do have bad days and I make stupid mistakes;

I know I sometimes fail to live up to people’s expectations.

But, Lord, despite my shortcomings

I know you have not given up on me.

I am not as beautiful

As I want to be;

I am not as young

As I used to be;

I am not as talented

As I wish to be;

I am not as strong

As I strive to be.

But Lord, you make me feel

A am someone great

Because you choose me

To be your servant.

I know I am special

And important in your eyes

You gave up your life to save me

And set me free. Amen

the Speaking test

sigh... i have been worried for yearss, it finally comes to an end .hehe

Today finally is my speaking test , i enjoyed throughout the whole exam.It is really interesting and i have so much fun . My group members were lugman, viknesh and lent.
I am consider quite lucky as i am in the second group so we actually have time to break the ice. And most important my group members were quite friendly and chatty lolz..
the topic for today is what is the most important thing you need to prepare when you are to go to the first job interview. There are four points which are:
1. to get information about the job
2. to get information about the organisation
3. the dress attire
4. to improve communication skills

Eventually i lack of a bit bit luck. Because i am candidate A which means i must speak first.
sigh.. that is not the point , the point is i miss the word 1st job interview, which i actually focusing too much of getting information about the job ...sad luckily the examiner was lineant she reminded me and asked me to speak more in part B.

In part B we are actually having a discussion from the topic given just now and create an arguement. The mr. lugman keep intterupt me .... when i am having a debate with viknesh..
stupid 1!!! other 2 which is lent and lugman quickly stand on viknesh's point n support him right after viknesh opposes me.. bad fellow la they all bully me...=( making 3 against 1
but is really nice to have them in the test, they are quite chatty so we are able to maintain the conversation there isnt any pause or silence.. ( i laughed throughout the conver, but i hope the examiner dont mind because she laughed too... at me fighting against them lolz hope she enjoy it )

Jesus just love me so much he blessed me.. i LOVE LOVE him tooo hehe

戴佩妮-一个人的行李- having this feeling now

Just feeling to go travel now, i wanna go i wanna walk i wanna run wanna climb wanna jump.
i wan peace and silence ...i wanna be out of here. Like a bird in a cage is thirst of freedom and wanted desparately to be release. It cant wait a second more to stretch its arm to let go and fly to the sky with no boundaries no restriction. And it is ready to claim all its freedom which no ones is able to deprive......................
The never ending journey had started.

The iMperfect day

the day was my big day .. hmm i knew i knew i should be grateful is such a way... but still
i do not know why.. am i a bit green here? i guess yes i am coz i never get what ppl get on their birthday..
But in true they also din get what i get on my birthday.
then why compare?
then why jeolous?
then why unhappy?
then why remember?
then why forgot?

the blur day

muet......i suppose i din aything correct except myself to the exam hall .zzz
1. i forgot my ic
2. i brought in the wrong exam slip
3. i din bring pencil
damn .. a swt swt day, lucky me is i still feel calm hahah
God is with me.
so i told the teacher i forgot to bring my purse i got nth to proof myself i asked can i call my mom, she said ok go call. lolz
i enter and out the hall dunno how many times liao >.<,
i park my car just 3 steps from the exam hall then i buzzed my car for few times lock and unlock coz forget this and that. wow i think i m incredible. that time i really feel like using a ccloth to cover my face >.< i got no face liao sigh..

Some complaint,
the audio for listening is just really suxxx.. they repeated dunno how many times n the disc got stuck, they even change 3 cds zzzz
at that time we only left last 2 question , i think they just love us so much and refuse to let us go lolzz we spend extra 20 min just for the last 2 question. stupid nia haha

Total mess and i am PISSED

i never thought i scare to be lonely dat much.. i dunno what happen to my job i just simply dislike it. Specially i have no motive and objective to be there.
I feel really suffering today, my job might not be really hard but my heart and soul was going hard.
i just do not know wat to do, it was just a total mess.
i need to do spare part, i need to do swap >.< . i do not whether i know should thank my leader coz i din not get scolded of all mistake i have done but i just dont feel so.
the new guy zzzzzzzzz i dunno how to say, sigh is just too much for me to take care off. and i dont really like him much. dont ask why, just a feel.
i miss all my friends and my past colleague derrick and ziin(= jocelyn) which entretained me throughtout all the working period. i miss you all guys^^

Can i still stand this? should i still stand this?

i dunno..... i dunno what i wanted.

happy birthday mommmy

happy birthday mommy!!! love you so so much.
You are the best mom ever which always love me and pamper me so much haha..
i really dun think i can ever live without you, even when i m working i start thinking abt home, i miss your cook.
i really felt sad these few week because i am not able to eat your dishes and talk to you.
i just miss you soso much.
Thanks for delivering me,
thanks for giving me a warm home,
thanks for giving me your love,
thanks for sharing your life with me,
thanks for kissing me,
thanks for hugging me,
thanks for pampering me,
thanks for cooking me dishes,
thanks for washing my clothes,
thanks for everything and everything you brought to my life.
thank you.












lastly I LOVE YOU

The Murder

What is Shark Finning?

• Shark finning refers to the removal and retention of shark fins and the discard at sea of the carcass. The shark is most often still alive when it is tossed back into the water. Unable to swim, the shark slowly sinks toward the bottom where it is eaten alive by other fish.
• Shark finning takes place at sea so the fishers have only the fins to transport. Shark meat is considered low value and therefore not worth the cost of transporting the bulky shark bodies to market.
• Any shark is taken-regardless of age, size, or species.
• Longlines, used in shark finning operations, are the most significant cause of losses in shark populations worldwide.
• Shark finning is widespread, and largely unmanaged and unmonitored.
• Shark finning has increased over the past decade due to the increasing demand for shark fins (for shark fin soup and traditional cures), improved fishing technology, and improved market economics.
• Shark specialists estimate that 100 million sharks are killed for their fins, annually.
• One pound of dried shark fin can retail for $300 or more. It's a multi-billion dollar industry.

In other words, the living organism is being chopped down its hands and legs alive and being abandon and let the time to take away its life. They were let lone to die slowly in agony and in hands of human's truculent. Blood were rushing out from the main body because of the broken arms even tears were unseen as it was flushed away by the strong current, the heart pumping weakly, but they are still grasping for air waiting for their last breathe. What will be their prayer? to live or to die? All their sacrifice made us to enjoy our damn shark fin soup to ensure our status and pride. In fact throwing our humanity to the trash bin. And as we consume, we are crushing their crispy arms and legs like a serious killer enjoying after murdered the victim. That was just disgusting when thinking. To be frankly, shark fins were tasteless and only the soup which add the flavour to the dish. In addition, sharks also accumulated many harmful toxic into their bodies through bioaccumulation as their at the top of the food chain. Where is our humanity? do we really need to eat shark fins? I am extremely ashamed of myself which i just taken the dish last week sob>.< , if can i do not ever wanna eat sharkfin anymore.. T.T

<< extinction in a bowl

Do not be afraid

Do not be afraid,
because i am your shelther.

Do not be afraid,
because i am with you.

Do not be afraid,
because i have power to save you from evil.

Do not be afraid,
because it was me.

PS. I will never forget my lamb, i recognise all my lamb just like they recognise me.

i am so wrong

the job is scary nia.. >.< need to learn everything in 1 week?? i just left 4 days, ziin u need to save me lolz

sleepless morning @.@

yeng lo two hours, sleep ghost arr >.< ... still feel like talking mouth damn thirsty lolzz

Happy Happy

yuhoo. finally got myself a job this must thank my beloved dear ziin, hehe thankyou so much hehe. but i really hope i wont kena grace so much after u left damn scary lolzz haha. but i seriously thought no hope adi 1. hehe now suddenly keep my passion fire liao ^^ going on my next training
Gambateh tse, vivi san!!

the time has come

It was time to let go, and i knew it.
Yeah, it was u, isn't ? You are telling me to let go, i am really sorry to let u suffered. i sincerely apologies to you.
sorry too, to use you when i am lonely.
Even for my stubborn lies i am sorry, thankyou for pulling me ahead to help me stand again and my sis thanks a lot.

Thanks for the joy u brought me. these are memory cant be taken away.
thanks for ur performance, i really enjoy it a lot!! you just ROCkXXX haha^^

why waiting??

why although i knew that is wasting time i am still waiting?
I already have the best of all, i know that with him i will alive,feeling satisfy and not thirst anymore
But why i still feel so empty and lonely.?
why? what am i waiting?

God Please take me with you, please dont abandon me.

dying vivi

died of ulitimate boredem,laziness, and loneliness ............................................................................................................................................................................ piang piang paing dead.

humble self or low esteem?

Why do i give up that easily? i do not know but just feeling do not wanna see sad faces, arguement. I am to afraid to disappoint others. I do not like people have high expectation towards me but i do not like people or people disbelief my ability either. It seem doubtful to me . well a i smart or dumb? Sometimes i am really afraid to admit i am good at something because i do not want people to have expectation towards me and figured out actually i am not good enough. Or there is time that i am too frighten to be fail that i rather act or say that i dont know anything and refuse to accept the task given. I feel better that way by acting cowardly and childish. At the end i just refuse to do anything and so it just left an empty shell to myself knowing nothing.
Do i hate myself?
No, certainly not just love myself too much that i scare to fall and forgotten how to walk but kept relying on the wheel chair.
Is just like an ostich try to hide herself out of the hunter sight by blinding herself ( how dumb? )
However i just hope i love myself a little more by willing to stand up by my own to walk.

My dream

a dream
i think it is sort of improtant but my memory was blurred. i just remember that is a white n bright place i m alone with a person. where am i? i am embrace tightly by someone important but i cant remember. we had a long conversation and i am crying in his arms , he told me something really important ,and i think i made a promise to him too but i just couldn't remember even i tried so hard. i dunno i really hope to remember. In the dream it was so cleared that i heard his voice, so soft and weak.i followed so closely to his word, his temperature and and his shivering voice. i think he was sobbing too , i cant see because i am in his arms. i wanted to remember this feeling. how dumb am i to forget such important thing.... pls can i have a chance to hear u again.

i just barely remember 1 word, "released"

but how could i? how could i?

my ielts exam

OMG!! Geezz i seriously do not know how i did. n i dun care anymore. i just got haywire today.
i am soso concentrated n extra anxious too >.< , the examiner somemore pressure us zzz. 1st in my listening still ok, but i miss few answer blek :( . worst is when i transfer my answer i copied wrongly nia >.< too gan jiong (shock no.1)
2nd in my reading the examiner mispronounce 40 min to 14 min, i really got frustrated cause i m still in the 1st passage and she is telling us left 14 min???( shock 2) gosh... u know ur brain cant function well n go n consider how long have pass, scaryyy
writing i guess is easier than i though but i din really write well, my brain got to much shock liao, unable to think delibrately , and remembering nice phrases sigh.
the whole morning is just about having a race with time.. rush rush rush!
At last the examiner really funny la she mispronounce envelop again to enviloop damn funny. and she even keep stressing on it haha.

Believe in god or placebo??

I really do not know is that trust in god or is just a placebo effect??
Many people claim is placebo, if you believe and you will have what you wanted.
However there are many people with big houses, fabulous car , pretty wife and being rich but
somehow they feel uncontented.

So to me believing in god is not simply just placebo. It was much more than that .I felt the presents of him,his love, his care, his everything
He may grant things you want or hope for sometimes, but not always.
Because he eventually did better than that, he give you more than you wanted more than you expected.
He might not giving what you want in the moment but what you needed most and the best for you!! even if you have not ask. He might be the parasite in you, a lovely one, who always hear you, he just know what you wanted most in deep.^^

That is why i am in love to him so much . i love you Jesus. muackzz

The alive zombie

The night is so cold, so dark that i couldn't see my fingers, and it is so quiet that the blow of winds is the only sound to be heard. There were 4 walls here and a small hole that allow few molecules of air to enter, i touch nothing to grip on. I am findings ways to escape, but there is no place to run and banging into the same walls was not helping to get a way out. In instant i can feel the impact, it was so great that it bounds back quick to my flesh and crushed my ribs.I shouted so hard as if my thoracic cavity was collapsing, my eardrum was vibrating fast at ultrasonic speed from the echo collected. There is still no respond from the outside after X trials.
I am exhausted to continue so i lied down on the freezing floor and respire rapidly to grasping for the limited air with oxygen barely filled. I am hungry asnd thirsty too, what was so great that can fulfil my starvation? No one else was here, i was left alone. That is nothing , nothing left... why is it living as dying? Am i dead?

What is that?
There is that is a sign of my skin burning and needle penetrating through my eyes when there is something shines on me.Shines? A ray of light shinning on me? The dawn breaks again for me? A great delight warms my heart again. The curtains was held up, i was awaken by the same sweet voice i missed a lot. The sweetness of the voice can really bring a person to diebatic almost in second and i am addicted to it so much that i cant live without it. Inhale deep again,i felt new hope, freedom and life all back into my hands.

pathetic

oh my... my pathetic blog has been dead for century.. sigh. as you all know i am kinda lazy to write haha. but i do enjoy reading others . how selfish? lolz but dunno y i just felt weird share feelings at that moment it happen whereas i prefer to just tell storries that happened. Sorry to tell i am a weird person.