Why do i give up that easily? i do not know but just feeling do not wanna see sad faces, arguement. I am to afraid to disappoint others. I do not like people have high expectation towards me but i do not like people or people disbelief my ability either. It seem doubtful to me . well a i smart or dumb? Sometimes i am really afraid to admit i am good at something because i do not want people to have expectation towards me and figured out actually i am not good enough. Or there is time that i am too frighten to be fail that i rather act or say that i dont know anything and refuse to accept the task given. I feel better that way by acting cowardly and childish. At the end i just refuse to do anything and so it just left an empty shell to myself knowing nothing.
Do i hate myself?
No, certainly not just love myself too much that i scare to fall and forgotten how to walk but kept relying on the wheel chair.
Is just like an ostich try to hide herself out of the hunter sight by blinding herself ( how dumb? )
However i just hope i love myself a little more by willing to stand up by my own to walk.
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